Imperfect Life

My kids say this is my "Annoyed Face". :) It is 3:56 AM and I am wide awake. Second chemo was not as bad as I feared going in but still was not so great. I guess it is not suppose to be great anyway.  It turns out that I am severely allergic to Adriamycin, an essential chemo med I must take. A double dose of benadryl did the trick but made me super groggy. My hair started to fall out in clumps. It will be no time before I lose all my hair. My counselor asked me if I am ready for it. I told her I will deal with it as it comes. I know it is going to happen but how can I be ready for it? I am not sure...I am unsure about many things these days. My youngest son said it makes him scared to see clumps of long black hair in my bathroom. I assured him it is due to strong medicine but my hair will all grow back once I stop chemo. My 13 year old son said it does not bother him, but I know it does. I am considering about sending my kids to a day camp for children with parents whos...

May 13th First round of chemo today. I went in like a champ and came out like a zombie. The first thing I noticed when I walked into the infusion center was a couple who had their TV on rather loud and talking loud at the same time. I was immediately irritated by the noise they were making. I asked the nurse if she was saving the private room for someone. She said they fill in all the chairs first. I just closed the curtains to give myself some privacy. It took one hour to get my blood work back, counting red/white blood cells to see if I am good enough to take chemo. Then it took about 2.5 hours to do pre-med. steroid, anti-nausea, and some other kinds...then the chemo nurse came in with two huge syringes filled with chemo med and another bag with more med. All of sudden, I felt light headed and my chest felt heavy and became hard to breathe. My vitals were dropping. A social worker (counselor) came to talk with me. She helped me to relax with exactly same techniques I use w...

It's been a while but I am back. Writing helps me to heal. It is an effective way for me to process things and gain control over my emotions. I really enjoy using narrative therapy methods for myself and my clients. I often suggest to my clients to rewrite and retell their stories as a part of  their healing process. I use it for myself whenever I feel lost or confused about things in life. Sometimes my mind is so preoccupied with anxiousness, I can't even put a sentence down. Then, I start with making a list of pros/cons.  It's a good place to start. Recently, I was diagnosed with stage 2b breast cancer. I know..I could not believe it neither. How can I of all people? I am perfectly healthy other than having a few extra pounds. I try to live my life to the fullest every moment, I have four young kids, and I am busy...how can this be? Many fearful thoughts crossed my mind at first. However, my history of walking with God helped me to quickly realize that only thing I ...