Tragedy to Restoration

 It is the 13^th anniversary of 9/11. No one can forget the horrific assault our nation had to experience. What happened on that day has forever changed the ways we lived in America.   My life has dramatically changed since that day as well.  Here is the story of how 9/11 brought life and hope to my family.

 As a Christian, I have always carried a burden and knowing in my heart that I was to live for more although I never knew how I would actually accomplish it.  I was living a typical 1.5 generation Korean-American life.  I was happily married with two beautiful daughters.  We lived in a nice home in the suburbs of New Jersey near New York City.  We even had a dog to make it a picture perfect American life.  I was comfortable and content.

Then, on September 11, 2001, I was awakened abruptly from my quiescent lifestyle.

It was a beautiful morning in September.   I dropped off my girls at their school and headed to the gym as I did most mornings.  I walked into the lobby of the gym and took a glimpse of the TV which was broadcasting news about the World Trade Center being hit by a plane.  “A bad accident” I thought to myself as I walked over to do my workout routine. Soon after, I saw a bunch of people huddled together and sobbing in dismay.  I looked over at the TV screen. The World Trade Center buildings were burning up in flames.  A mass of people on Wall Street covered with debris scrambling aimlessly.  The sound of explosion, screaming and horror was unbelievable.  It looked like a scene out of a disaster movie.

             
 It was surreal.  It felt as if all sound was fading out and everything around me was paralyzing.  On that day a huge part of America was taken away.  It was a time when even the most secular Americans came together in prayer.  Incredible sorrow struck me and I cried for days.  A heavy burden came upon my heart to repent on behalf of our nation and for my personal sins.  I began asking God about the purpose of my life again.  I reflected deeply on the meaning and the preciousness of my life and the life of others.

             
My heart was filled with urgency and desire to live as Jesus lived and to love as He loved us. I felt a strong call of God to radically change my lifestyle.  I could not live with only selfish motivations any more. I was convicted of my continuous attempts to fill my life with things of the world; bigger house, more glamorous vacations, fanciest cars, etc…  Suddenly, it all seemed senseless.  My husband and I decided to look for somewhere to serve as a family.  During my research, I learned about adoption and found myself becoming more interested and attracted to the idea of adoption. 

               

Then one day, I discovered MPAK’s website.   I was immediately fascinated to find stories of Korean families who had adopted openly.  I was deeply impressed and challenged by Steve Morrison’s vision and courage to speak up for homeless children.  It became clear to me that adoption was the great choice for my family.  I asked my husband what he thought about adopting a little boy as our third child.  He responded by saying “maybe”.  I took his neutral response as a “yes” to go ahead with it.  I started by studying more about adoption.  I learned that,

       Adoption is another way of building a family and the best way to provide a family to homeless           children.  Every child has the right to be loved and have a family.

 I could have a son without having to give birth and provide a family to a child all that the same time.   How perfect!

             
However, I started having doubts right away. Would I really be able to love a child who is not my own?  It was already a challenge managing my own two children, how would I care for another child?  What would our family and friends think?  Would I be a good mother?  Maybe it would be best not to adopt at all.  I felt very confused and anxious.  Heavy hearted with uncertainty and doubts, my family and I went on a family retreat where I came to realize that I was blessed to be a blessing.

      “ I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you: I will make your name great, and you             will be a blessing.”   Genesis 12:2-3

This very verse was given at our wedding ceremony.  I believed it was God’s way of reminding me of his purpose in our marriage.  Whom shall I share the joy of blessing with? I asked the Lord.  God revealed to me that it would be the child we adopt.

I realized that God gave me the desire to adopt.  It was not because I was a perfect mom or a loving person, but just the opposite.  I was not to rely on myself for good will and action but to know that it is God who works in me.  I was finally comfortable in making a decision.   

The next day, my husband told me that he saw a vision of an infant boy wrapped in a blanket while he was praying the night before.  He was so sure that it was God’s will for us to adopt.  

As soon as we got home, we completed and sent off our adoption application.  We wanted to adopt a healthy baby boy.  However, during our application process I came across “The Waiting Child” program.   I felt guilty that I was not open to special needs children.  I began to pray for the waiting children and for the child who was going to become our son.

On the last visit of our home study, I saw a photo of a baby boy in the Waiting Child webpage.  I was instantly drawn to him. But adopting from the Waiting Child list seemed too risky.  Nevertheless, I asked for more information on the baby boy.  Other than the birthmother’s medical history, he appeared to be healthy.  One amazing thing that we noticed was that the baby was born on exact day that Ben saw a vision of a child in his prayer.  We thought that was more than a pure coincidence.

For the next several months, we waited anxiously for the arrival of our son.  On February 14, 2003, I received the best Valentine’s Day gift ever – the news that our son is ready to come home.  My husband traveled to Korea and brought home our son Caleb Jaewon.  He was so small and beautiful.  Our girls and I were thrilled to finally have our baby home.

               

We watched Caleb thrive day by day.  We thought we were blessing this child by adopting him, but we realized that he was blessing us much more.   The joy and restoration that he brought to our family was immeasurable.  We felt blessed that God had chosen us to make a difference in a child’s life by simply being his parents.   Adoption has also affected our daughters in many wonderful ways.  They have matured into compassionate and open-minded young ladies.  We witnessed the immense effect that a family can have on a child. How vital it is for a child to grow up in a loving family.  Every child should have that opportunity.

In 2005 we adopted another baby boy.  We named him Elliot Si Woo.  Si woo was his given name at the adoption agency.  We had already picked out a new middle name for Elliot but when we saw that his name meant “bestowed enough”, we decided to keep it.   His middle name reminds us each day that God’s grace bestowed upon us is enough.  Elliot was born with congenital heart disease among other conditions.  He too was a Waiting Child. Elliot’s birthmother’s medical history made Elliot less desirable to many people, but my husband and I felt that it was more of a reason for us to adopt him as our son.  After all, we were already so blessed!  We knew that our God is bigger than any ‘unknowns’.   We overcome our fear by relying on God’s grace each day.  We believe that when God created Caleb and Elliot, He had us in mind.  I don’t have a single doubt in my mind that we are a family made in heaven. 

Today, Caleb is a 12 year old middle school boy who enjoys friends, video games and soccer.  He calls himself a "pre-teen" and behaves in ways that fit the category.  He is more interested in friends than his mom.  He refuses to hug or kiss his mommy in public. He enjoys food very much and loves to cook. Elliot is determined, funny, and friendly. He also LOVES soccer and dreams to play for the Manchester United one day.  Our boys are very proud of the fact they were adopted, although Caleb is going through "don't talk about it" stage.  This is very normal and I respect his feelings.

Nevertheless, my children know that God has unique plans for them.  Each one of my children are awesome creation of God and I am so thankful for them.  I am blessed to be chosen as their mother.

Becoming an adoptive parent truly helped me mature as a person. Through my children, I see the love of our Father in heaven who adopted us as His own.  Although terrible, the tragedy on September 11^th, 2001 ignited something inside me.  It has changed my perspective on life and challenged me to act according to my faith.  God used the evil intent of the enemy and turned it into joy, love, hope and life for my family.

                “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”   2Conrinthians 5:14-15