Imperfect Life

I find the side effects of steroid to be almost as bad as those of chemo meds. It keeps me up at night; I am bloated, puffy faced, and just darn uncomfortable. They say breast caner and ovarian cancer patients tend to keep or gain weight during treatment due to water retention from steroids. Well, so much for my dainty cancer patient look. Good news! I am finished with my four rounds of awful A+C regiment of chemo, which the doctors say is the strongest and worst kinds of chemo medicine. I will be starting Texol chemo in 2 weeks for the next 8 weeks. I am proud of myself for enduring it so far, making it through the best as I can. Pat on my back. My children are adjusting very well. Helping around the house, playing, arguing, eating well, doing their chores and summer work. I think being honest and up-front about my illness was a right decision for our family. Not sugar coating anything but facing it all together. In our family, we try to bring everything to light and work from the...

 I wish I can write more often but my eyes get tired and blurry. I have been reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. Mariam and Laila are the two heroines of the very tragic story of women of Afghanistan. Bitterness, rejection, conflict, turmoil, deep wounds of the soul, confusion, remorse, abuse, hope, love...human tragic...life. I know so many women who live in these kinds of tragedy even today in America. I know them, I see them. Mariam and Laila reminded me of my mother in some ways, my clients, and myself. I dreamt that I went back to work last night. I showed up at my office and tried to move my desk all by myself and the desk fell on top of me. Ha! I opened my eyes early one morning and thought "Oh no, another day of misery". For a moment I felt hopeless thinking that I was about to start another day of feeling nauseated, lazy, weak, and unproductive. I was shocked at myself for even thinking of the word "misery". Me? I am the most positive ...