Identity Crisis?

The gospel of John chapter 1 verses 1-18, to me is a complete description of Christian world view. It describes who God is, who I am, what the world is, and how it all relates to one another. Every time I read or listen to first part of John 1, my heart is filled with awe of God's almighty and infinite power. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God (v.1). The true light, which enlightens everyone was coming into the World (v.9). And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth (v.14). And from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace (17).  When I read these words, I see an image. An image of me laying down on the grass at night time, and I see millions of stars in the dark sky. All of sudden, those stars begin turn into words and fall on me. Covering me completely as if the word are a warm and safe blanket that covers me. I hope one day, I can commission an artist to paint that image for me.

Studying counseling starts with (re)defining your worldview. In a brief statement, worldview makes up who you are and how you relate to God and others in all areas of life. When I was a teenager in the 80's, the buzz word must have been "Identity Crisis". I think this because the elder who taught bible study would always attempt to arouse the non-respondent teenagers in the group to talk about our 'crisis' as Korean American adolescence. Of course, no one spoke up. I think mostly because we did not understand what he was talking about but also we did not feel safe enough to open up. What crisis? We are not in any crisis. Life is just dandy...even if it wasn't no one was going to talk about it at church with bunch of perfect people. Personally, I did not think that Elder Kim would even understand what I was going through and he was just being nosy. I wonder where our young people today would turn to bring out the matters of the heart. What would be safe place for them to drop by and just talk or hang out? Where would they find compassionate and discerning adults who would let them pour out their hearts before giving them unsolicited advice and make true connections before strive to guide them? 

Erik Erickson, a famous psychosocial developmental theorist who coined the term "Identity Crisis" lived his childhood in conflict and confusion, much like Korean American children and youth today. Erickson grew up in Germany, practicing Jewish religion, attending German schools with a Jewish name(Salomonsen). Not only that, his mother and adoptive father kept much of his birth history a secret. Finding himself, knowing who he really was and where he belonged must have been a big issue on his mind. Erickson changed his sir name 3 times before he settled with Erickson after immigrating to America. Interestingly enough, according to Erkickson, the ingredients of successful completion of life tasks are not only care and nurture but a good balance of failure and pain as well. So, you see? Those pains and struggles we all have, it's all good! They are actually critical agents in completion of your developmental stage to the next.  As a mother, I am not overly consumed about shielding my children from struggles and pain that they will go through in their lives. Pain and struggles of being an Asian in America, being a girl, a boy, first child, middle child, youngest child, adopted child, non adopted child,smart, not so smart....the list goes on. A lot depends on how you look at it and how you choose to use it to your successful development. And most importantly, you must trust that God's grace covers them all (Romans 8:28). 

So, who are you? "But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born not of blood not of the will of the flesh not of the will of man, but of God (John 1:12-13)".  Worldview of self? You are children born of God's desire and will. No matter your birth circumstances and family history, you are still born of God's desire and will. As an adoptive parent, this truth is extremely important that regardless of my children's birth circumstance, they were planned and desired to be born by God. This truth gives such a clear understanding of how we need to treat others with the same honor and respect that we desire for ourselves. My son's preschool teacher taught him a simple but profound phrase that we use still everyday, "Treat others the way you want to be treated". 

Many times as I listen to people's stories, I wonder how much of their pain and struggles would be relieved if they simply have the eyes to see who they really are. See themselves as how God see them: Truly beautiful and perfect. I desire for all to embrace themselves as God has already embraced them with all of their imperfections and inadequacies. "And from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace". There is true liberty in being able to embrace yourself. Then, you will be able to love yourself and others. When I learned to finally embrace myself, I was able to become vulnerable and it really changed the way lived. How do you embrace yourself? Trust God whose will and desire for you is good and perfect.

Elder Kim was right, being a Korean American is not easy. It is actually full of inner and outer conflicts. Growing up in an immigrant family can be difficult and lonely. Not knowing where you truly belong is confusing. Finding your zone is tiring. I wish I had trusted Elder Kim's heart and sought his guidance and wisdom. I think it would have helped me out in some ways. Young people out there- find a caring and discerning person and let them help you help yourselves.  I heard from somewhere that one attributes of a strong person is that they know their lack, and they let others help them. Let's be strong and let others help us. I understand the conflicts in your heart, I grew up as a confused and conflicted person in the two very different cultures. I felt like I was unable to meet many expectations, always feeling inadequate. Let me help you by listening to your story. I hope I can extend the grace and mercy that God has extended to me.