Imperfect Life

I've plunged back into living life again. My latest mammogram showed no signs of cancer in my breast. I wondered what I was suppose to do with the news. Does that mean I can live?  Days leading to the test, I felt incredible amount of anxiety and fear. It felt like I was waiting for a death sentence. I actually felt physical pain thinking about what they might find. I was sick and tired of living in such fear. Sick and tired, I tell ya! Before I went in, I prayed "Lord, if this test comes back negative, I will live with courage! I will not look back. I am going forward and going to do all the things you have put on my heart. Help me". I was happy and relieved to get the good news. My doctors and nurses celebrated with me. I'm in remission. No one can tell if and when but I will take clearance for today. My doctor even removed the port they placed in my chest. They sedated me but I found myself fighting not to fall asleep. I think I was afraid I might never wake up...

Day 31: Heart for missions: "Lord, please help my children to develop a desire to see your glory declared among the nations, your marvelous deeds among all peoples." (Psalm 90:3) On one Sunday my family visited the Redeemer church in NYC, Tim Keller preached about missions. It happened to be on the day of Gay Pride parade on the streets of NYC. I was curious to hear what THE TIM KELLER had to say about missions. I had been discouraged about the whole short term missions, mission trips of local churches. To me a lot of it seemed to be about agendas and ambitions of some sort. I remember when I went on a mission trip as a college student and realized how "we" were there to show "them" the right way and how we seemed so arrogant to even think that we knew better. I am not trying to minimize the effect of short term mission works, but I do wonder how many of us go with the understanding of genuine love and sacrifice. I have no doubt that short term mission...

Day 30 Prayerfulness "Grant, Lord, that my children's lives may be marked by prayerfulness, that they may learn to pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests" (Ephesians 6:18) When my children were little, they would put on a cape, pick up a stick, put on bicycle helmet, make a cut out card board shield and run around the house pretending to be a hero of some kind rescuing the humanity. I used to enjoy seeing their playfulness and creativity in action. Maybe we have the innate ability and desire to protect what is important and precious. During my fight with cancer, not knowing for sure if I would live much longer, I thought about what I would really want for my children. I mean I want so much for them, but what would be one thing I want to make sure, if I could, that they possess. If I knew they didn't have this thing it would absolutely break my heart. What would that be? I would say it is their personal relationship with God....

Day 29: Self-discipline: "Father, I pray that my children may acquire a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair." (Proverbs 1:3) Whew! I'm almost there. I made a commitment to do prayer entry for 31 virtues and I am on day 29. Let me be honest and admit that it has not been easy. Some days, I just did not want to do it. I wondered and passively checked to see if my older kids were reading my blog every day. I think they are skipping and skimming through. Facebook sends me report and how many reaches I get and it doesn't seem to be too popular.  At times, it might have discouraged me but I kept writing because one of the reasons for these daily prayer entries were to discipline myself as a writer. I kept up even when I didn't want to. I also hope my kids will know that their mother has been praying for them everyday. They will know my heart. Today, I also finished study book on Apostle Paul. I started on January 25, 2016 and finish...

Day 28: Lord, please instill in my children a soul that follows hard after you, one that clings passionately to you.(Psalm 63:8) Soul that clings passionately to God even when we don't understand. I pray that my children will cling to God more than ever. In current times, upside down world where evil prevails, untruth boasts more than the truth. This post-modern times where we are all confused and side tracked from what is good and just. We connect to others only on the surface but refuse to connect on the soul level. We see our worth only by the end product while being contemptuous of the process. I pray that my children will cling to God passionately. Over and over gain, that they will cling and cry out to Him. And His right hand will uphold them.