Imperfect Life

My kids say this is my "Annoyed Face". :) It is 3:56 AM and I am wide awake. Second chemo was not as bad as I feared going in but still was not so great. I guess it is not suppose to be great anyway.  It turns out that I am severely allergic to Adriamycin, an essential chemo med I must take. A double dose of benadryl did the trick but made me super groggy. My hair started to fall out in clumps. It will be no time before I lose all my hair. My counselor asked me if I am ready for it. I told her I will deal with it as it comes. I know it is going to happen but how can I be ready for it? I am not sure...I am unsure about many things these days. My youngest son said it makes him scared to see clumps of long black hair in my bathroom. I assured him it is due to strong medicine but my hair will all grow back once I stop chemo. My 13 year old son said it does not bother him, but I know it does. I am considering about sending my kids to a day camp for children with parents whos...

May 13th First round of chemo today. I went in like a champ and came out like a zombie. The first thing I noticed when I walked into the infusion center was a couple who had their TV on rather loud and talking loud at the same time. I was immediately irritated by the noise they were making. I asked the nurse if she was saving the private room for someone. She said they fill in all the chairs first. I just closed the curtains to give myself some privacy. It took one hour to get my blood work back, counting red/white blood cells to see if I am good enough to take chemo. Then it took about 2.5 hours to do pre-med. steroid, anti-nausea, and some other kinds...then the chemo nurse came in with two huge syringes filled with chemo med and another bag with more med. All of sudden, I felt light headed and my chest felt heavy and became hard to breathe. My vitals were dropping. A social worker (counselor) came to talk with me. She helped me to relax with exactly same techniques I use w...

It's been a while but I am back. Writing helps me to heal. It is an effective way for me to process things and gain control over my emotions. I really enjoy using narrative therapy methods for myself and my clients. I often suggest to my clients to rewrite and retell their stories as a part of  their healing process. I use it for myself whenever I feel lost or confused about things in life. Sometimes my mind is so preoccupied with anxiousness, I can't even put a sentence down. Then, I start with making a list of pros/cons.  It's a good place to start. Recently, I was diagnosed with stage 2b breast cancer. I know..I could not believe it neither. How can I of all people? I am perfectly healthy other than having a few extra pounds. I try to live my life to the fullest every moment, I have four young kids, and I am busy...how can this be? Many fearful thoughts crossed my mind at first. However, my history of walking with God helped me to quickly realize that only thing I ...

In my rather short time working as a Family Relationship and Communication consultant, I have discovered that Korean American families desperately need help with effective communication. Subsequently, communication is the most popular topic that Korean American churches have asked me to speak on.  First generation immigrant parents and second generation Korean American adolescents struggle with consequences of broken communication and lack of emotional connection. It is easy to recognize that there is a serious disconnect between family members, but not many people know how to reconnect the links.  Over the next few posts, I am going to give you some practical tools that you can use to reconnect with your loved ones. So, have fun and read on. Please feel free to leave a comment and/or suggestion. 제가 가족관계 와 소통 전문가로 일하게 되면서 한인이민가정 속에 심각한 소통장애가 있다는것을 피부로 느끼게 됩니다.  이민교회에서도 가족문제의 심각성을 감지하고  강의 요청의 많은 부분이 소통 이기도 합니다.  특히 이민1세인 부모님과 미국에서 자라나는 2세  간의 불통에 관한 문제로 가...

 It is the 13 th  anniversary of 9/11. No one can forget the horrific assault our nation had to experience. What happened on that day has forever changed the ways we lived in America.   My life has dramatically changed since that day as well.  Here is the story of how 9/11 brought life and hope to my family.  As a Christian, I have always carried a burden and knowing in my heart that I was to live for more although I never knew how I would actually accomplish it.  I was living a typical 1.5 generation Korean-American life.  I was happily married with two beautiful daughters.  We lived in a nice home in the suburbs of New Jersey near New York City.  We even had a dog to make it a picture perfect American life.  I was comfortable and content. Then, on September 11, 2001, I was awakened abruptly from my quiescent lifestyle. It was a beautiful morning in September.   I dro...

지난주 삶의 마지막 순간을 지내고 계신 시아버님을 만나기 위해 뉴욕으로 갑자기 떠나게 됬다.  워싱톤에서 인턴쉽하고 있는 대학생 딸도 가는길에 데리고 아이들 넷 모두 차에 몰아넣고 뉴욕으로 갔다.   아버님의 모습은 막내인 시우가 두려워 병석에 다가가지 못할만큼 몰라보게 변했었다.  내가 결혼한지 21년이 넘는 세월간 나와 깊은 대화는 거의 없었지만, 나를 보면 자신의 손을 잡고 기도하라고 명령하셨고, 대범한 막내 며느리라고 늘 말씀해 주셧다.  우리 부부가 입양하겠다고 막무가내로 나섰을때 가족 모두 반대했지만, 아버님은 단 한번도 반대의견을 내놓지 않으셨다. 80넘은 나이의 고지식한 노인이 입양을 반대하지 않으신것은 놀라운 일이라고 늘 생각했었다. 아버님의 병원은 나의 가족이 미국이민 와서 첫 3-4년을 보낸 엠헐스트 라는 동내이다.  뜻하지 않게 나와 동생이 놀던 공원, 우리가 살던 허름한 아파트, 학교 등을 아이들에게 보여줄수 있게 됬다.  내가 살던 1980년대 보다 훨씬 험하고, 허름하고 낡은 동내로 변해있었다. 더 많은 이민초기자 들이 거리에 다녔고, 수 많은 언어를 들울수있었다.  철창쳐진 창문, 허물어져가는 건물, 가난한 동내의 냄새가 물씬했다.   넒고 넒은 축구장에서 축구하던 내 아이들은, 동네 아스팔트 공원에서 마음데로 공을 찰수가 없었다.  내가 살던 3R 아파트 부엌 창문에서 거리를 내려다 보면서 언젠간 내 아이들을 데리고 이동네 와서 엄마가 살던 곳이라고 보여줄거라는 상상을 하던 순간이 기억났다. 아마도 내 상상속에 나는 좋은 차를 타고 좋은 옷을 입고 왔을것이다.  그리고 30년이 훨씬 지난 한날 나는 좋은 차를 타고, 좋은 옷을 입고 그렇게 내 아이들하고 그곳에 가게됬다. 허름한 동내를 오래전에 떠나 롱아이랜드라는 부티나는 동내에서 살고계시는 나의 부모님. 그들은 아직도 사랑받지 못한다고 느껴서, 서로 에게 원하는게 채워지지...

IEP for ESP Individualized Education Plan for Especially Special Person This morning, I attended a Transitional IEP meeting for my especially special person Caleb, who is being promoted to middle school in the next school year. He will be attending a new school with a completely new set of teachers, new schedule, new system and some new friends.  Transitioning into a middle school can be scary for any parent but for a parent with a child with IEP, it can be especially stressful. Although, Caleb has always been very compliant and has had no behavioral issues or showed any signs of distress, there is no way of knowing how he might response to this new era of MIDDLE SCHOOL.  The main concern that I have is his survival/social skills.  He tends to be a little timid with new environment and new people.  However, I believe Caleb will be able to figure out his ways through the crazy maze of a big school and find his classrooms.  I believe he will be able to ...