Imperfect Life

Day 27: Willingness and ability to work: "Teach my children, Lord to value work and to work at it with all their hearts, as working for the Lord, not for men" (Col 3:23). One thing all my children do possess is grit. They've got it. They know it and they put it to work. Especially my two older kids, they've got the resolve. People take notice of them because they show up on time and do what they are expected to and beyond. They take charge and go one step further. They get things done! They've gotten amazing opportunities because of their work ethics. I am very proud and thankful that they have those characters. Hard workers and team players get noticed. Bosses want people who have good work ethics. Be on time, use time wisely, be honest, and be diligent. One more very important character of a good worker is their adaptability. Be a person who can see beyond what is being shown. Be a problem solver and be a person who can use all of the resources in people. ...

Day 26: Gratitude " Help my children to live lives that are always overflowing with thankfulness and always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ". (Eph 5:20, Col 2:7) Today (10/28) is my daughter's birthday. She was born 19 years ago in the Lenox Hill Hospital in the upper East side of Manhattan. It's where JFK, Jr and other famous Manhattanites were born. At the time of her birth my husband and I were going through our first valley of despair together. Soon after we found out about pregnancy, we were faced with some difficulties in our life. We were very sad and anxious about everything during that time. Everything we've known to be our future was taken away. Some people suggested that we should not be pregnant at such difficult time. It was horrible. When she was finally born, healthy and perfect, we named her Jane (God's gracious gift) and her middle name Myung In (The source of light), she was born at 5:5...

Day 25: Servant's heart: "God, please help my children develop servants' hearts, that they may serve wholeheartedly, as if they were serving the Lord, not men." (Ephesians 6:7) Vision was the buzz words when I was in college as a young adult. Every college aged Christian circle talked about, preached about, contemplated about, and prayed about what our vision was. What was God calling us to do? We wanted to know! Many from my college group committed themselves to go into full time ministry to become pastors and missionaries. Truthfully, I felt a little convicted that I did not have that "vision" from God to become a pastor or a missionary. In retrospect, I wish I had enjoyed the youth that was allowed to me at that season of my life without worrying too much about what my vision was. Maybe we should stop asking young people what their vision/calling is. I believe vision is not only about career. It's a life style. My current attitude about vision/c...

The Lone Cypress, standing firmly planted surviving through harsh circumstances. Day 24: Hope: "May the God of hope grant that my children may overflow with hope and hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit". (Romans 15:13) This entry I'd like to share with my best friend Jennifer. Just the other day she and I shared our anxiety and frustration of our children's spiritual life. We met in a college group almost 30 years ago and have been friends since! When we first met, we were both all-black wearing Manhattan college girls, hip and young. Yeah, tell that to our girls! We grew (older) together over the years and share so much secrets, wisdom, laughter and tears. I can always, always count on her! We are like sisters we picked for ourselves as we both are sisterless. We grew together through college group drama, dating fiasco, mission trips, God-encounters, bitter relationships, heartbreaking life struggles, mistakes, confusion, rebellious times, marriage dram...

Day 23: Faith "I pray that faith will find root and grow in my children's hearts, that by faith they may gain what has been promised to them". (Luke 17:5-6, Hebrew 11:1-40) In my freshmen psychology 101 class I heard something that I still remember clearly. The professor was explaining Pavlov's theory and mentioned that a man came to therapy and discovered that he hated Christianity because of his negative experience growing up. Apparently, the man's parents locked him up in the closet whenever he refused to go to church as a teenager and the man vowed that he would never step a foot in the church when he grows up and can make his own decisions, thus creating a negative association. I remember thinking that I would never lock up my kids for not going to church...funny but not really because I realized that I may be locking them in a mental closet and creating negative association for them. My values are pretty traditional and fundamental. Some may say it'...

Day 22: Father, teach my children the secret of being content in any and every situation, through Him who gives them strength. (Philippians 4:12-13) It says in Philippians 4 to guard your heart and mind with peace of God. Guarding your heart and mind is an active will. You all know the story of Chicken Little, in fear of falling sky he runs and runs and runs from the inevitable disaster of his mind and instead lured in by the Fox, the real danger. Sometimes, we run around with grip, dissatisfaction and frustration of uncontrollable circumstances, we mindlessly get lured in by the Fox with his lies. We become hard and cold. We become unforgiving and ungracious. Contentment gifts us with thankfulness and praise. We become appreciative and loving. Let's enter into His gates with Thanksgiving today. With our lips, confess how Thankful we are for life, family and the real important matters in life.

Day 21: Responsibility: Grant that my children may learn responsibility, for each one should carry his own load. (Gal 6:5) We have many responsibilities. So many to list and sometimes exasperating to fulfill. But I want to focus today on responsibilities as husbands and wives. I pray for my children and their future spouses. I pray that they are God loving, sincere, and hard working people. I hope my husband and I are modeling good marriage for them. I hope that my children see us and want to get married and have a family of their own one day. I pray that my girls would accept their role as a wife in humility to submit to their own husband and be women who honor their husbands and nurture their children. They would be wise and insightful enough to know that submission is not another word for oppression but a different role that God has designed to build up families. I pray that their husbands would be just as wise and insightful to be able to capture the truth in their hearts t...

Day 20: Compassion: Lord, please clothe my children with the virtue of compassion (Col. 3:12) Showing compassion takes a risk. While going through cancer treatment I received so much support and help from those around me. An encouraging message would lift up my soul in a dreary day. A tasty dish would bring back my appetite in the midst of nausea and vomit. A visit from a kind friend would console me and allow me to be myself and become vulnerable in ways I never had imagined. I also experienced much judgement and discouragement from people too. Like the three friends of Job, they come with some kind of opinion of why I am sick, what I need to do, and how I need to react in the horrible situation that I was faced with. They showed up with a hint of superiority and arrogance about not being the one to be sick. And they all seemed to know someone who had died of cancer...And they have an answer to my problem. Some, whom I considered as my close friends...not even a call, not even a ...

Day 19: Humility: God, please cultivate in my children the ability to show true humility toward all. (Titus 3:2) I believe true humility comes from knowing who you really are. I mean, to the point of aching heart because you know who you are when no one is looking. Not only when no one is looking but more because of sinfulness your whole being, you are crushed. But you don't deny because it's painful but bravely turn your face and look to where your help comes from. Being vulnerable sometimes is understood as weakness but actually it's the most brave and humble thing you can do. You become vulnerable when you no longer look to yourself for that power, source, strength, beauty...whatever you want to call it. Then, you become humble enough to become vulnerable. Humble, because being vulnerable is not only to serve yourself but for serving others. In Titus chapter 3, Apostle Paul defines it this way:Be ready for good works, don't speak evil, don't fight, be gen...

Day 18: Perseverance: Lord, teach my children perseverance in all they do and help them especially to run with perseverance the race marked out for them. (Heb 12:1) You ain't kidding when you say life is full of ups and downs. Look around you, so many are going through the valleys and  pit of despair. Sometimes, everything will not work out on your favor. You will be faced with many many challenges that you cannot even imagine right now. Not so inspiring or encouraging? One of the many things I've learned through my own suffering is that sometimes you just have to clench your teeth, hold on to the wall, and put one foot in front of the other and keep on. Just barely standing on your own two feet? But keep standing. One day at a time, one step at a time. Don't have the strength to go on? Take a rest a bit and keep on. Because there's a hope! Suffering is inevitable Jesus said. He also said, we are to bare one another's burden. We are to use our words to encourag...

Day 17: May my children be filled with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. (1 Tess. 1:6) I love the movie Inside Out. My daughter and I went out and watched this movie together for the first time in a long time. It was very sweet and insightful illustration of the human emotions. I think it touched so many people, children and grown ups alike because the movie shines light on the emotions that we tend to hide away and not care for. I loved it more because I finally got to spend some time with my middle child who gets put aside too often because she is good. The easy child who doesn't require a lot of attending. A child that is also surrounded by siblings who require more than the usual amount of attending. A relief for me as a parent, but she sometimes gets the short end of the stick. I also liked the fact that this movie was touching to my daughter. Sometimes when I lay down at night and realize I forgot to attend to my daughter the whole entire day, I'm saddened with the gu...

Day 16: Peace-loving: Father, let my children make every effort to do what leads to peace (Rom. 14:19) My son rebuts and says, "It's my freedom! I have the freedom of speech, I can say whatever I want!" Without getting into a lengthy lecture, although I was tempted to, I told him, there's no freedom without responsibility. In Romans 14, I could almost imagine Apostle Paul with the 'Are you serious?' expression on his face, "Would you quit arguing about meaningless things- about what to eat, what to drink? Look, it's about living in the Holy Spirit! You are all missing the point!" And I might add, "You idiots!" My kids know the extent of my road rage would be calling someone "Idiot!" They laugh at me and I quickly deny it but they heard me. I pray that my kids would be passionate people. Passionate about life, about their families, about caring for others, passionate about what they do, and about God. Passionate people ...

Day 15: Generosity "Grant that my children may be generous and willing to share, and so lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age" (1Tim 6:18-19) About 12 years ago when I was still serving as a Regional Director for NY/NJ MPAK (Mission to Promote Adoption of Kids) chapter, along with another organization, we held a fundraising event. Many famous Korean Christian musicians came to perform in the concert at this mega church in NY. MPAK leaders flew in from LA and Korea. We had big dreams to raise awareness about the needs of the orphans in Korea and how Christians are called to take care of the orphans and the widows. Big dreams, big event!  Well, it wasn't that easy, the huge concert hall was almost empty that evening. Instead of praising God along with the musicians on the stage, I was busy and heartbroken looking around the empty hall. It was a disaster. I wanted to cry. Everyone involved was upset and disappointed. I think the other org...

Day 14: Kindness "Lord, may my children always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else (1 Thess. 5:15). My good friend and my son's old preschool teacher Jill says it the best, "Treat others the way you want to be treated!" Isn't that the virtue for all relationships? Even now, my boys know and repeat this phrase. I also want to add, "treat yourself as you want others to treat you". We want to be treated well, fairly, and justly. But the bible tells us to not repay anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone (1Thess 5:15). Always? No matter what? When we feel like we've been treated wrongly, only very few of us would choose repay evil with good. We feel we deserve more. We feel we should get a better deal. When we have consumer mentality, we become reacters rather than responders. Reacters by nature give up their power to choose their response. They react when the counterpart pushes their button-...

Day 13: Purity: Create in them a pure heart, O God, and let that purity of heart be shown in their actions. (Ps 51:10) Since I've been diagnosed with cancer, all my medical professionals, friends, family, and even strangers have been telling me to eat pure food, drink pure water and even breathe in pure air. You don't realize how much junk you put in your body until you become really ill from the impurity you have been consuming all those years. Harmless and even enjoyable foods, drinks, and habits turn back at you with a blow to take you out in an instant! Purity is not only about sexual abstinence. It's about the state of your heart. I'm a certified abstinence educator. Teaching a group of teenagers about healthy sexuality is definitely not an easy job. Many times I can sense the guilt on teen's faces coming into my sessions. I usually start out by telling them sex is great. They look at me with the look, "What are you talking about, Lady?" I'v...

Day 12: Courage "May my children always be strong and courageous in their character and in their actions." (Dt 31:6) Before I finally made a decision to go back to school to earn a graduate degree in Counseling, I was literally on the floor crying out to God in fear that I might fail and make a fool out of myself. But...I can't. I'm not able...My speech...Moses was my biggest companion in those days. He sure was a scared, shaky human being. Maybe because he knew himself well. He knew well that he didn't have what it takes to be the leader of the Israelites . Who'd want to listen to him? A stuttering prince who turned into a killer. But, the fact is Moses didn't go alone. I also didn't have to go alone. In the Lord's prayer, "Lead us not into temptation..." is the part I pray most sincerely for myself and my children. It takes courage to be sweet and kind. It takes courage to be bold and true. It takes courage to be vulnerable and hu...

Day 11 Faithfulness "Let love and faithfulness never leave my children, but bind these twin virtues around their necks and write them on the tablet of their hearts (Prov. 3:3)  These entries are titled Prayer for My Children, but my hope is that if you are reading this entry, you would join me in prayer for your own children. These prayer lines are taken from "31 Biblical Virtues to Pray for Your Kids" by Bob Hostetler. As I keep focus on one prayer for my children each day, I am beginning to release one finger at a time from the tight grip I want to have on my children. Today, I realized that "training up a child in the way that he should go" doesn't mean train them to be good listeners of me, but train them up so that they will become adults who are able to choose their own path toward God. With deepest desire that I pray for forgiveness of my own grip and control over my children, and God's love and faithfulness will prevail in my kids' liv...

Day 10: Self-esteem. "Help my children develop a strong self-esteem that is rooted in the realization that they are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus" (Eph 2:10) Freedom came when I finally realized and accepted the fact that I am not responsible for making myself more valuable human being. My value doesn't come from what I achieve and acquire. I am not deemed more important or worthy because of my good behavior or my good looks. My worth is based on the fact that God made me like Himself! I am deemed worthy enough to be rescued and sent. We are worthy! You and I, all of us! Period! When we start from the place of knowing our true worth, we can go to a different place in life on this earth. We can live life courageously! During the time of cancer treatment, one of the most painful thing for me was the feeling of unproductiveness. I was not able to do anything that I used to do or suppose to do. I was not able to take care of my children, go to work, and...